Life Changes....

About 23 years ago, I met a gal while working at the restaurant in the hotel in Yankton, South Dakota. Meeting Dawn was like a circus and a carnival rolled into one and multiplied by 1000 - but that's a whole other story. We were, for lack of anything more clinical, in a relationship. I remember her as being such a wild and free spirit. It was in stark contrast to some of the other gals I had been in relationships with up till then. We eventually moved to Lincoln Nebraska on a wish and a prayer. Through different obstacles, I decided leaving would be in my best interest for various reasons.

Fast forward to about 10 or so years ago. I just moved to California, just got a new job, and working on my new relationship with Ashley. My dad called and told me someone was looking for my number and should I give it to them and naturally I said sure. It was Dawn's mother. She said that Dawn had passed away and she had left behind a daughter. I went into panic mode. I wasn't ready for this and went on the defensive. "if you want to know so bad you come out to California and get a paternity test - otherwise to hell with you!"

I never heard from them again.....Until November 2nd of this year.

In my facebook email was a message "Hi, I'm not really sure how to say this, but I think you are my father. My mother was Dawn S. I'm not trying to get money or ruin your life or anything like that. I would just like to find my father. I know this is weird and all. I'm not really sure what else to say, but I hope to talk to you soon " (truncated but you get the point)

I would be amiss if I didn't add that from that first call I got 10 or so years ago, there had been many times I was on Google trying to find out any information I could - which turned out to be nothing. I had little information to go on.

I called her that night - it was the night before my LASIK surgery. Needless to say that the term 'seeing my future clearer' took on a whole other meaning.

I went to Walgreen's and got an over the counter DNA/Paternity test kit. I understand that sounds strange but I did  quite a bit of research ahead of time. I swabbed, sent Shawna her swabs to send in and that was that. The lab notified me that we should have the results on Monday (today).

This will definitely be a huge change in my life, Ashley’s life, and Shawna’s life if the results come back 'positive'. I will have a daughter....and 3 grand kids. It is surreal for me right now. There is a certain selfish side of me that really wants this to be true. It will mean the world to me to try to make up for lost time. To have someone I can pass my life experiences down to and hopefully for someone to look up to me in that special way - even though so much time has passed.

In my talking with her, she seems very level headed and independent...and that...makes me happy. She doesn't come off as bitter or sad about the situation of not knowing her biological father although she would be very much in her right to feel that way. I was a jerk back then. I didn't man up and find out then. I have apologized over and over to her about this and she understands and forgave me. This is all on the heels of if the results come back as 'positive'.

If it comes back 'negative' - well, I will have a new close bond with a very special woman. I will be more than ready to give her any insight or a shoulder or wisdom or recollection of her mother.

Thanks in advance for your support and well wishes during this time.

W


UPDATE (1/9/12)
Well the results came back negative. The thing about that is, we did a little research and found out this company may not be the most reliable.
Since she has been waiting so long to know - the least I can do at this point is check with my doctor to see how we can facilitate a test from where she is and where I am.
We both kind of wanted this to be positive for kind of the same reasons - her wanting to know who her father was and my wanting to have a daughter.....
Whatever the turn out - I will always be there as much as I can for her since I was one of the last (known) people with her birth mother.
Again - thanks for everyone's support. Some of you knew this before because I needed to be able to vent and I just wanted to have a sounding board(s). But thank you ALL for your friendship....